Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
