Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i barfeds in our rink
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
