I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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