Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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