My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
