Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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