I'm eating all of the evidence.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
