there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
