its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can I color on your dick again?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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