I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
