Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
