I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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