Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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