New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
