Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
