booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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