I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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