no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
