I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
