rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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