weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
