85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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