party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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