So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
