I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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