Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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