wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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