in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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