Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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