Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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