Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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