I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
