WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
