As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
