I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.