allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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