i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.