just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize