new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Girls should come with a carfax report
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
