y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I didn't shave. On purpose
why do cheetos always look like penises
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.