I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho