imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
