I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
