Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
