Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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