I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
