i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
