my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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