your parents love me but you hate me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
