Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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