I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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