Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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