Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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