It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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