We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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