oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
