so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
