It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
