When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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