He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
