apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
