I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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