At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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