Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
