my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
