he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
