will power is for people who don't want to get laid
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
