Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
