Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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