I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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