I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
