I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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