i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
