Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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