I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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