dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just invented taco cereal.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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