just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
