I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
