my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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