I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My liver just had a heart attack.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize