arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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