come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
