So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
