We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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