I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
